


Moirai

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:10:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1587800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The return of Alex Blake to the BAU signals the surfacing of old secrets buried in the past. Secrets that no one else knew but Alex, Erin, and David. And then Alex reveals that secret to all present in an attempt to get the upper hand on Erin. What will the fallout of such revelations be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Have you told them yet how you killed Dave's child?"

The question rang out over the bullpen like a shot, all heads turning to look at Alex Blake and Erin Strauss, who had, until that moment been arguing quietly about the results of the last case. Erin felt quick tears prickle her eyes, and she looked for a way to escape the scrutiny of her peers. There was none, though, and so she bowed her head, blinking back the tears. "No," she whispered and saw from the corner of her eye how Alex smirked.

"What is going on here?" Aaron's voice cut through the murmurs that had risen up after the shock of the proclamation had worn off a bit. He rested his hand on Erin's shoulder and she pulled away from him imperceptibly, not wanting his pity.

"We were just having a bit of a disagreement, Aaron. I need to get back to my office, there's a budget meeting soon." She turned from them, from the gossip mongers in the bullpen who longed to see her taken down a peg once more, and walked briskly to her office, fighting to keep the tears from falling until she had reached the sanctuary of her office.

Vaguely, she heard someone following her, but she ignored them, needing to keep her focus or risk shattering like fragile glass. Helen took one look at her face and just nodded, offering her a small smile. She was about to close her door when the person who had been following her made his appearance. "Dolce mio, let me in."

"I'm not your sweet, David. Please, leave me alone." She couldn't look at him, and barely fought him when he gently pushed his way into her office, closing the door behind them. Then he wrapped his arms around her, holding her gently as she broke down into harsh sobs.

"Why would you think you're not my dolce, Erin? I haven't broken up with you."

"Not yet. But you will. There will be too much stress, too much strain, and the first thing that has to go will be me. Just like with Alan. I wasn't meant to be happy, I guess." She knew, deep in her rational mind, that she was being completely ridiculous, but that was how she felt at the moment.

"No, I won't, Erin. I promise you that." He leaned back to kiss her forehead gently and she tried to stop her sobs, choking on the mucus that came from her tears. "Let's get you over to your couch, dolce." He guided her there with soft hands and they sat down. She wasn't surprised that he pulled her into his lap, it was what he did when she was crying, and it comforted her more than words could say.

"I love you too much to put you through this again, David. This was hanging over me like a, a, a sword of Damocles from the moment she returned to the BAU. I can't face them, you know. They'll hate me even more than they did before for my failure."

"You never failed me, Erin. I should have been the one to protect the both of you and I didn't. If anything, I failed you." He gently lifted her chin and kissed her before cradling her head close to his chest once more. Slowly, her breathing returned to normal and she nuzzled her face into his chest as she felt the beginnings of a horrendous headache creep into her brain.

A soft knock on the door had them both looking at it, and it opened to reveal Helen. "Hello, Ma'am. Um, Agent Hotchner is out there, wanting to talk to both of you. Should I send him in?"

Erin looked up at David, curling her hand in the fabric of his shirt. "I suppose that will be fine, Helen." She slid off David's lap and grabbed hold of his hand, threading their fingers together. "Maybe I should have retired instead of coming back."

Her lover opened his mouth to respond when Aaron stepped through the door. "I'm sorry to barge in on you, Ma'am, but Morgan wanted me to make sure you weren't craving." His eyes were tender, and that look tore at her heart. She felt her eyes well up once more, and he nodded as he brought one of the chairs over to sit in front of them.

"I'm fine, Aaron, thank you."

"Not to put too fine of a point on it, but you are not, Erin." David closed his hand around Erin's shoulder, squeezing lightly as she shrugged at him.

"Would you like to talk about what's going on?"

She pursed her lips, looking down at her lap to avoid both their eyes. "I've told you before that I don't do that sort of thing, Aaron. I have to be self-reliant, especially now." She knew her words were unbelievable, even to her own ears, but she still needed to tell herself that, so that in time she would believe it.

"Well, my team doesn't seem to think that's true and I'm not to leave until I've gotten to the bottom of things. Did I really hear Blake accuse you of killing David's child?"

She looked up at her lover, seeing the pain in her heart reflected in his eyes. "Yes, you did, Aaron. And it's true." Erin couldn't continue, the tears had clogged her throat up once more, choking out anything more she might have wanted to say. She burrowed in close to David, letting him rub her back as she cried once more.

"I'm going to take her home, Hotch. Send Reid to us a little later on, she'll probably need to speak to her sponsor, once she's calm."

"Of course. And I'll talk to Blake about how we treat our superiors." Erin felt a warm hand close around her shoulder, offering comfort to her. "And I'll see if Beth wants to double date tomorrow night. It will be nice to have some adult time."

She listened to him leave before pushing away from David. "Kiss me?"

"Quickly," he replied, covering her lips with his. She would never get over the way his soft goatee hair tickled her face gently every time they kissed. It was something that she had come to love about this second time around relationship of theirs. "Are you comfortable about heading out now?"

Slowly, she nodded and stood up, holding out her hand. He shook his head, joining her and then reaching up to cup her face, wiping away the tracks of tears on her cheeks. Leaning forward, he kissed her cheeks in turn before placing the softest of kisses all along her face, finally capturing her lips once more. "There are some things I will never grow tired of, David."

"I feel the same way." Finally, he slid his hand down her arm to clasp her hand, holding on tightly. "Grab your purse, dolce." She nodded and led him over to the desk, pulling open her bottom drawer and taking out the handbag, slinging it over her shoulder.

"Can we take the stairs? They're closer to my office and might allow me to avoid seeing Alex once more."

"Whatever you'd like, Erin." They stepped out into the outer office and she smiled at Helen, watching the woman smile back.

"We're heading home now. If there are any calls for me, please take a message and put it on my desk. Have a good night."

Helen gave a sharp nod as she stood and came up to them. "I wish there was something I could do, Ma'am." To her surprise, she let the woman hug her tightly. "I watched you fight that demon for so long, and I do not want to see you stumble once more. If you need anything, anything at all, just ask."

"I'll keep that in mind, Helen." Pulling away, she once more smiled at Helen before stepping back into the comforting shadow of her David. "We'll see you tomorrow."

It was her turn to lead her lover and she opened the door to the stairwell, slipping inside it and quickly making her way down to the parking garage. They got in his Cadillac and he pulled out into traffic as she curled up in the passenger seat, watching the scenery pass them by.


	2. Chapter 2

They hadn't been home for more than twenty minutes when the phone rang. "Would you answer, David? Please?" She watched him nod and then reach over for the handset, looking at the display.

"It's Reid." She smiled a little and closed her eyes, resting her head on his chest. His voice rumbled in her ear as he answered. "Hey. She's resting here in my arms right now, but I'm sure she'd love to see you soon." Erin nodded against his chest and felt his free hand stroke her hair softly. "Bring something to eat with you, too, kid. Valu-Rite has a chocolate cake on sale this week that is absolutely delicious."

She smiled a little at the thought of the sweet treat and rubbed her cheek against his chest. When they'd finished speaking, David leaned down and kissed her deeply. "What am I going to tell them? They'll want an answer to the question Alex asked."

"I will tell them that there was an unsub, and that I wasn't quick enough to save you and our child. That Maddie would have been the perfect reflection of her mother, had she been allowed to grow up." Erin sighed and nodded, absently touching her stomach. "When Reid gets here, and after we eat, do you want to go to her grave? It might help if we all went."

She thought for a moment. "We haven't gone together in years."

"And I regret that. There are a lot of things that I regret about that moment in time and the ones that followed it. I knew that I loved you, and that you loved me."

"Just as I always loved you. I ran to Alan because he was the safest choice, after what happened with us. I needed someone who was the complete opposite from you. I think he always knew where my heart rested."

His hand tightened around her shoulder and she began to cry a little. "I hope he didn't treat you badly because of that."

"No, he just never quite got used to living with a living ghost. I ruined so many lives with my selfishness."

"I was just as much to blame. I should have fought for you, should have proved to you that I would have moved heaven and earth to make you feel whole once more." Erin turned in his arms and pressed her lips to his cheek. "I never really stopped loving you. I had thought, for a time, that Hannah would fill that hole you and Cara left in my heart, but then she came and went so quickly."

"And you've never had the chance to be a father." She yawned a little, trying to swallow it, as she didn't want to fall asleep with Spencer coming over soon. "Our broken parts are matching up even better these days."

"I know. And go to sleep for a little while. I'll wake you when Reid gets here."

She nodded slowly, making herself more comfortable in his arms, wrapping one arm around his back and holding on to him tightly. "I love you."

"I love you, too, _dolce_." He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead as her eyes fluttered closed, and she listened to him croon to her as she fell asleep.

Erin woke up sometime later, feeling two pairs of eyes watching her. "Hello, Spencer. When did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago. I brought the cake, just like Rossi asked. And Blake sends her apologies."

"No, she doesn't."

"Okay, she doesn't, but Hotch told me to say that. She's been suspended for a week for saying something like that, for treating you that way." He came over to her side and helped her to sit up. It was odd to be held by another man, especially with David so close to her, but the comfort he was seeking to give her was not unwelcome, so she rested her head on his chest and watched her beloved. "Are you craving?"

"Not any longer. But I suppose that I have to tell you why I reacted the way I did, so you'll know for next time, for when I feel like I'm diving off the cliff, headlong into the abyss." He nodded, and she gazed at David, watching his face closely. She could tell the moment that he shut off from them, since his face became a mask, and she closed her eyes, knowing that they could hold each later, when Spencer had gone. "So, we had a daughter. We weren't married, and it was quite the scandal."

"There's ten years between you, right?" She nodded. "Well, I can see why, some people probably thought that you were trying to get ahead in your career. That wasn't the truth, though, was it?"

"No. We were in love, and I would have said yes, had I been asked. But the pain of losing Carolyn and James was still too fresh, so I contented myself to love. And it was so sweet, Spencer, you have no idea. We spent so long picking out baby names and we finally settled on Madeline. She was a blessing to us, and then, life happened."

There was a slight pause, as if Spencer wasn't certain to prod her with questions or wait for her to continue. Erin, though, found that she would rather answer his questions, so as to give less of her memories away, and so waited for him to say something. "I'm assuming it was an unsub."

"No, kid," David said, meeting her eye steadily. "And it wasn't Erin's fault. No matter what Alex might say to you tomorrow, you must believe that. Erin was and is completely blameless for Maddie's death."

The gentle affirmation in his voice made her tear up once more, and she nodded as she took a deep breath. "And yet it pulled us apart, David. I should have fought harder for us."

"I should have done the same, and not let the bitterness take root. God, I was so furious with God, that He would take two of my children away from me, and I let that bleed into my treatment of you. I was such a fool."

She shrugged a little before finally breaking eye contact, knowing that if she continued to look at him, she wouldn't stop crying. "So, on my way to take Madeline to her one year checkup, I let myself be distracted for a nanosecond by her gurgling in her car seat. It sounded off to me, and I glanced back and as I pulled into traffic, having the green light, an oncoming truck t-boned us. I watched her die, and there was nothing I could do."

"Why would that be your fault, Erin? The driver ran a red light."

"I should have looked once more. Instead, I focused on my baby and she died because of me. I've carried that guilt for so long, Spencer, and I really think that it probably added to my problem. Instead, I just pulled away from my beloved, he pulled away from me, and when Alan offered me a safe harbor, I took it, needing some stability in my life. I had three beautiful children with him, but they could never take the place of my Maddie."

The tears that had been gathering in the corners of her eyes began to fall, and still, Spencer held her tightly, murmuring in her ear tender words. But she didn't want him at that moment, she wanted her David, and she reached out her arms, hoping he would understand the unspoken gesture.

He did, and she felt him tug her up from the couch and into a tight, loving, embrace. "I have you, _dolce_. Just hold onto me, I will never let you go again."


End file.
